The weight of unmade decisions
And how to feel 'free' again
There have been moments in my life where something feels not quite right. The usual lightness in my step disappears and it feels like I am carrying a weight on my shoulders. When I’m in these moments I feel a bit stuck, everything feels hard and it is a real grind.
At one point, it took my partner’s observation for things to hit home: ‘you seem like you have the weight the world on your shoulders lately’.
That comment struck a chord. I wasn't just carrying one decision - I was carrying lots of them, all hanging in limbo like trying to walk up a mountain with a backpack full of bricks.
Every second you delay making a decision, there is a cost
Years ago, over a steak and beer, a friend and I were discussing progress on our goals. We both felt like things were going in slow motion, not from the decisions we'd made, but from the ones we hadn't. These unmade choices were like browser tabs running in the background of our minds, and it was constantly draining.
We called them ‘decisions hanging out there’ – seemingly innocuous, yet, they were quietly sabotaging our peace of mind.
The science backs this up. Psychologist Barry Schwartz identified two types of decision-makers in his book The Paradox of Choice:
Maximisers obsess over finding the perfect choice. They research endlessly, compare every option, and even after deciding, they're haunted by ‘what if.’ Every decision becomes an exhausting quest for perfection.
Satisficers know their criteria and act when they find something that meets their standards. They don't agonise over whether something better might exist - they choose the ‘good enough’ option at the time and move forward. Keep the momentum going.
I used to be a textbook maximiser. Every choice felt almost life or death, every option needed analysing from every conceivable angle. I was afraid of making the wrong call. It was mentally exhausting and it was holding me back.
‘Good Enough’ – the best two words in decision-making
Learning to satisfice was a game-changer. Not because I lowered my standards, but because I learned to back myself in, trust my judgment and value momentum over perfection.
A few things that helped me become more of a satisficer:
For smaller decisions: I embraced speed
Decisions like what to eat for dinner and what movie to watch didn’t require a Spanish Inquisition. I picked an option and I was prepared to be wrong. I acknowledged that a suboptimal choice cost far less than the mental energy wasted on unnecessary deliberation.
For bigger decisions: I listened to how I felt or broke them down
Career moves, relationships, major purchases - these often required more thought, but not endless rumination. I’ve written about the difference between head and heart decisions. I believe many ‘big decisions’ can be made by trusting your gut and listening to your body. But if I need to go beyond the gut, I will break it down:
define my non-negotiables
consider a decision deadline
gather enough information to be confident, not comprehensive
test it when possible (trials & small experiments – noticing how I feel!)
How many decisions do you currently have ‘hanging out there’
If you are like me and are constantly challenging and questioning things, you may also have some unmade decisions somewhere in the filing cabinet of your consciousness. They could be the reason you feel irritated, figurative anchors holding you back from your best self.
If this is you, then you need to get these decisions out into the world asap. One approach could be to:
Create a list of every decision you've been avoiding, from the trivial to the ‘big ones’
Reflect on how long that decisions has been on your mind
Challenge yourself – if you had to make that decision this week, what would you do?
Define some criteria or apply the steps above if you’re really stuck
Act – start with the easiest ones to build momentum
Moving forward with confidence
This is something that is so overlooked and can have a huge impact on how ‘free’ you feel. The aspiration is not to make perfect decisions – it’s about momentum and trusting that you are going to make better decisions after each one you make. I’d rather make 1000 bad decisions in a year than 10 bad ones – because if I’ve made that many bad ones, it also means I’ve made a lot more good ones. I’ve taken action. Yes, some decisions will need revisiting. But that’s not failure – that’s learning.
What matters is creating momentum, gathering real-world data, and freeing our minds to focus on what truly deserves our attention.
Our unmade decisions can cost us more than we realise. They could be stealing our lightness, our spontaneity, our sense of possibility. But, the moment we start deciding, we start living again.
The weight lifts. The path clears. And suddenly, that steak and beer celebration feels well-deserved.